Heart of a Commander [Daughters of Lyra Series] Read online

  A Varkan would have asked that first. They would have placed the mission second to royalty. He glanced at Amerii. The fact that her captain had overlooked her didn't seem to surprise her.

  If it didn't bother her then he had no right to feel bothered by it. He tilted his head back and glared at the captain of the Lyran vessel. It was hard to ignore his desire to kill the man, to control the urge to make him suffer for his treatment of Amerii. If she showed a hint of hurt, he would butcher this male. He would be unable to stop himself.

  "All hands prepare for departure. Escort the Nebuz-Lyra VIII and its comrades to her destination,” Van said, holding the Lyran's gaze and trying to see if he was satisfied now that they would be continuing to Varka Two.

  The male's attention moved to Amerii at last.

  "Lieutenant Amerii, return to the Nebuz-Lyra VIII."

  She opened her mouth to respond but Van stepped forward and stole the captain's attention.

  "Her highness is in no condition to return to your vessel and we have been stationary too long. We have received reports of recent Wraith activity in the area. They would attack any small vessel. We will rendezvous on the surface of Varka Two at the assigned coordinates."

  He held his hand up and the screen returned to showing the view outside the ship.

  "Depart as planned. Maintain alert status. If anything moves out there that isn't part of this convoy, I want to know about it.” Van waited for his crew to salute and then turned on his heel to face Amerii. Her eyes were wide and full of shock. Was it because of his actions? He would have been a fool to allow her to cross back to her ship when he didn't know if Wraiths were waiting in the darkness.

  He would have been a fool to let her go so easily.

  Holding his hand out, he intimated the door of the bridge. She nodded and walked ahead of him. He scanned his crew for any sign of trouble and then followed her out into the corridor. They walked in silence. It grated on his nerves. He wanted her to speak to him again, to talk as openly as she had in his room. He could sense her nerves. Was it their destination that frightened her or was it a reaction to his desire to keep her on his vessel?

  "Amerii,” Van said and she looked up at him. A smile graced her lips, the sight of it relieving some of the tension in him. “Are you hungry?"

  Her expression turned thoughtful.

  "We may have some protein packs,” he said and she paled and gulped.

  "It's fine. I'd rather go hungry than eat those."

  He stopped dead and she walked a few steps before stopping herself and looking back at him. The thought that she would rather starve than eat a protein pack was a disturbing one. He had no experience of them but surely consuming one was preferable to becoming weak. He couldn't allow her to starve herself. A frown married his eyebrows at the thought but then he reminded himself that her wish was his command. If she did not want to eat, it wasn't his place to force her. He only wished that he could find an alternative source of sustenance for her.

  "I am sorry,” Van said and bowed his head, feeling foolish for not allowing Amerii to return to her ship where she could have eaten. Now she was going to starve with him and grow weak. He should have been more responsible and thought things through. In his haste to have her near to him, he had again placed her in danger.

  She smiled, wide and warm, her blue eyes shining with it. He could drown in those. They reminded him of the pure Lyran skies. He had never seen skies like them before, not in all his life, and he had never thought it possible to capture something so beautiful, so powerful, in something as small as irises.

  "There isn't anything to apologise for,” Amerii said and walked back to him.

  "We have no other food besides ... blood.” He waited for her smile to fade but it remained constant. He wondered what amused her when it widened a little. Her fingers against his startled him and he frowned down at their hands where they touched and then looked into her eyes. They swam with gratitude.

  It dawned on him that it was because he was worried about her.

  Her hand shifted against his, sending his eyes falling to her mouth and his heart beating faster. He wanted to kiss her again. The feel of her warm fingers against his, soft and tender in their caress, made him surrender a little of the vice-like grip he held his emotions in. He wanted to kiss her and he wanted her to know his feelings from it.

  His fingers closed over hers and he pulled her to him, into his arms where she belonged. He wrapped them around her and she leaned her head back, her lips parting in silent tempting invitation. He lowered his mouth to hers and brushed his lips slowly and lightly against hers. Warmth chased through him, his lips tingling where they caressed hers, his body burning where her hands pressed against his chest. She leaned into him and he tilted his head, his tongue parting her lips to tangle with hers.

  It was divine but frightening to realise how much these new emotions ruled him. More than hatred and violence ever could. With these feelings, he felt as though he was falling uncontrollably but it was so exhilarating that he could be flying, just as Amerii had said. It was incredible. It was intoxicating.

  It was everything Regis had said.

  And at the same time, it was so much more.

  Amerii moaned quietly into his mouth as their tongues tangled, hers gliding sensually along the length of his, drawing more of his feelings from him. The smooth brush of her lips over his stole more of his control and a creeping sensation spread over his neck and down his spine. A strange surge in awareness followed it. After that came the familiar itch of his canines and claws, and a growing hunger for violence.

  Bloodlust.

  He tried to contain it but it was too strong, pushing at the restraints and whispering tempting words to him. Amerii's tongue stroked his canines and all sense of control shattered.

  Two people were approaching.

  Terrible timing on their part.

  Stepping back from Amerii, he glared at them, his chest heaving as he fought for breath and control. He needed control.

  No.

  He needed violence. Violence and blood. Then he would have his sweet relief. He would have his most heartfelt desire.

  He would have Amerii to himself.

  If he killed these two officers that were approaching him—this odious male and female that were exchanging a glance—then he would have Amerii to himself again. He growled when they both looked at Amerii, a look in their eyes that spoke clearly of amusement and disgust. How dare they look at her like that? How dare they think to judge her for his actions?

  His eyes narrowed.

  His teeth extended.

  The officers stopped dead and looked at him, their own eyes wide.

  The male officer's eyes moved back to Amerii.

  With a roar, Van launched himself at them. He knocked the female to the side, slamming her into the wall of the corridor, and rushed headlong into the male. The female landed hard on the deck in a crumpled heap. The male barely had time to raise his hands before Van barrelled into him, tackling to the ground. Van growled as he locked his hands around the male's throat. How dare he look at Amerii?

  Amerii was his and his alone. He wouldn't let such an inferior male look at her like that, wouldn't surrender her to any male. She was his.

  His hands closed around the male's throat, choking him. The male's eyes slowly brightened, turning crimson. Van grinned and throttled him. Yes. A fight for Amerii. He would show this male that he was stronger and the male would leave her alone. He would prove his strength to Amerii and she would become his mate. A female desired a strong mate. One who could protect her.

  He would protect her.

  A strange light sound punctured the rushing noise in his head—the sound of his heart pounding and his blood thundering through his veins. He ignored it, intent on making the male pay.

  The male's eyes were vivid red now, fixed on him, starting to narrow.

  A fight they would have.

  Van growled when the male pressed his feet
into his stomach and kicked him off, sending him into the wall. He picked himself up and retaliated, launching himself back at the male. The male swiped at him, catching him across the face with his claws. Van threw a punch at him at the same time, his fist slamming hard into the male's jaw and knocking him off balance.

  The female was getting up.

  The light sound came again, stronger this time. A word perhaps? Someone speaking to him? In the haze of the bloodlust, he knew no voices, not even his own. Someone he knew? It was familiar but gone in an instant, swept away by the scent of fear and blood. His lust for violence increased—an incredible thirst that he was dying to slake.

  He went to knock the female back down, flinging his arm out to backhand her, but someone else was suddenly there.

  His eyes widened.

  His hand stopped a hair's breadth from her face.

  Amerii.

  Her eyes were large and round, her mouth open in shock, and her skin was the colour of stars.

  With a growl, Van caught her around the wrist and pulled her into his arms, wrapping them tight around her. Her hands pressed against his chest. She was shaking.

  He had frightened her.

  The knowledge of that allowed him to drag back a modicum of control, enough for the haze of bloodlust to lift and for his senses to come back.

  "Please stop,” Amerii whispered against his chest, a light sound in a dark world.

  It had been her voice. She had been trying to speak to him, to make him stop.

  Breathing hard, Van willed his heart to slow, and methodically shut down his feelings one by one until he was finally in control again.

  The female was helping the male officer up. Van looked at them both as they turned to face him. The male wiped his hand across his face, clearing blood away from his lips. Van's jaw tensed and he couldn't bring himself to look into the male's eyes. It wasn't guilt making him look away. It was a desire to retain control. If he looked at the male, he would lose it again. The bloodlust would demand his head for the way he had looked at Amerii as though she was a potential mate for him.

  The two officers saluted him.

  Van cleared his throat and slowly released Amerii, allowing her to come out of his embrace but not letting her go completely. His arm remained around her, keeping her close.

  "My apologies,” Van said with a bow of his head. “I was not in control of myself. Please report to the infirmary and have them attend to your injuries. I will report my actions to Emperor Varka and ask his forgiveness."

  The two officers bowed and went to pass him.

  He hesitated a moment and then frowned.

  "Halt,” he said and cursed himself for what he had done. He couldn't risk the ship discovering what had happened here, not because it would disgrace him, but because it would disgrace Amerii. “If you speak of this matter to anyone, there will be consequences. As a member of royalty, Princess Amerii deserves your kindness. Refrain from discussing what you witnessed here."

  They nodded, saluted, and then walked away in dead silence.

  He knew they wouldn't dare speak of what had happened to anyone. Every member of his crew were loyal Varkans, placing royalty above all else, and obeying all orders given to them. They would probably never even mention who had attacked them in the first place. Matters of bloodlust were rarely spoken of. Varkans protected the identity of those who had suffered and hurt another Varkan because of it, for the simple reason that they wanted the same courtesy extended to them should they come under the influence of it.

  Amerii touched his hand, the light caress dragging him out of his dark thoughts. He turned to face her and was surprised to find her smiling.

  "I am sorry. I have not only compromised you but I have frightened you,” he said and placed his hand over hers.

  "I knew that you wouldn't hurt me,” she said with a sigh. There was no trace of fear in her eyes as she looked at him. “I only wanted you to stop before you killed that man. I understand why you did it—because you wanted to protect me ... because I am yours ... it shocked me, that's all. I promise. I wasn't scared."

  She smiled wider and shook her head as she reached up and swiped her thumb across his cheek. The action made him aware of the cut that dashed across it. It stung as she caressed it and when she brought her hand away, he couldn't help looking at the blood on it. What had he done? Not only had he compromised her, but he had attacked his crew. He closed his eyes and his jaw tensed. How could Amerii want a monster like him? He had been so close to hitting her. Lost in the haze of the bloodlust, he had barely been able to stop himself. If he had hit her, he didn't know what he would have done. Such a low, violent creature wasn't worthy of her. She deserved better. She deserved a prince, a male who would keep her safe from such a violent world as his, from such a dark heart.

  His fists clenched.

  He would kill any such male.

  Amerii was his. Without her, he couldn't function, couldn't think or even breathe. The thought of her leaving made his throat tight, stealing his air. The idea that she might think him a monster now that he had proven himself one made his heart clench. It ached in a dull strange way. He rubbed the spot above it on his chest, trying to alleviate the pain.

  "You have seen me for what I am now,” Van whispered at his hand, rubbing the same patch of his sternum. The pain wasn't going away. It was only getting worse. “I am a monster, Amerii, a creature of bloodshed and destruction. I am a beast unworthy of you. You would do better to risk the Wraiths and return to your ship than to remain here with me."

  Her hand appeared in view, steady as a rock as she placed it over his where it continued to rub his chest. He stopped, looking at the way she had curled her fingers over his and checking her with his senses. She was surprisingly calm, only a hint of anger lacing her scent.

  "You are not a monster,” Amerii whispered back at him. She stepped closer, narrowing the gap between them. He could feel her heat, could hear her heart beating steadily, and feel her soft breath on their hands. “Look at me, Van, please?"

  The imploring edge to her tone made him do just that. Lifting his gaze, he looked into her eyes and saw tears shining in their blue depths. Not tears of fear, but of sadness. He checked her again and realised that what he had thought was anger was actually sorrow.

  "You were defending me,” Amerii said and her hand left his, coming up to capture his cheek. The touch was light, tender, and the pain in his chest dulled a little. “I don't think you're a monster ... or unworthy of me. I wanted to see you again. I even thought about going to see Sophia and Regis because I thought perhaps you would be there."

  His heartbeat doubled at that confession.

  "You did?” Van said, needing to hear her say it again, needing her to tell him that she still had feelings for him and that he hadn't frightened her away. The daughters of Lyra were strong, but was she strong enough to love him? Regis had discovered love and had found a way to temper the bloodlust around Sophia, but Regis was far older than he was. Royalty aged slower than normal Varkans. Van didn't know if he was strong enough yet to do as Regis had done, or whether he would ever be strong enough.

  And Amerii deserved to be loved.

  "I did ... I wanted to see you Van. I was so happy when you appeared on that screen. I was so happy when you asked me to come here. I'm still happy now. Nothing has changed. I know about Varkans, enough to prepare me for anything that you might do. Sophia has told me all about the bloodlust and how Regis reacted. I wasn't surprised by your reaction to the male, and I know if it had only been the female you wouldn't have reacted so strongly. You were trying to protect me from the male ... because you see me as yours. I want to be yours."

  He went to speak again but she tiptoed and kissed him. It was sweet, tender, and he couldn't help responding to it. His arms slid around her waist and he tugged her against him, so the full length of her body pressed into his. He leaned into her, kissing her with more force than before, hungry to taste her and to feel her body on
his. Her hands caught his shoulders and she moaned into his mouth.

  He pushed her off him, getting the better of himself. Looking down at the floor, he cursed himself for kissing her again in the hall.

  "It is my duty to protect you while you are on this vessel,” he whispered to their feet, afraid of looking at her in case he couldn't stop himself from kissing her again. His hands shook as he fought to restrain the feelings that she brought out in him. The subtle taste of her blood filled his mouth, its memory as potent as the reality had been. His eyes brightened as his teeth extended slightly. She wanted him. She wanted to be his. He could make her his. He compressed his lips, grinding his teeth together in an effort to stop them from changing further. The hunger subsided with the memory of her blood. “That includes not exposing you to comments about your personal life."

  Her fingers grazed his cheek, sending a warm shiver across his skin. “Is it your duty, or your desire to protect me? It looks like desire from where I'm standing."

  Her voice was so sultry a whisper that he had to look at her. Her eyes were wide, their enchanting sky blue depths darkened by her enlarged pupils. He wasn't the only one the kiss had aroused. He could sense her hunger, could feel it in her touch and see it all in her eyes.

  Taking her hand, he held it tight, feeling it shake in his. She knew as well as he did that they stood together on a precipice, facing a point of no return, and neither knew where it would take them. He didn't know if he could control himself in the heat of the moment. Something about Amerii, about his feelings for her, made his bloodlust difficult to control. He only hoped that his feelings towards her would protect her from the bloodlust when it overwhelmed him.

  His eyes held hers, his heart thundering as his mind raced to imagine the feel of her body against his, and the bloodlust began to push at the boundaries of his restraint. To feel everything that he wanted to, to show her what he wanted to, he would have to relinquish control. He wasn't afraid. He believed now, just as Amerii believed.