Craved by her Cougar (Cougar Creek Mates Shifter Romance Series Book 4) Read online

  So it had shocked her when she had seen the way they eyed him, hungry gazes raking over him, and how they flirted with him whenever he happened to stop near them. A few of them used any excuse to touch him, laying a hand on his arm as they spoke about something innocent like the fight schedule, or brushing their bodies against his.

  He never reacted, other than to move away and place some distance between them, but he was male and that meant he wasn’t immune to the instincts the spring gathering roused in him. The mating heat affected him too. His brothers, Storm and Flint, had eyed the females in return, had even flirted with a couple.

  Did Cobalt ever flirt in return?

  Did he ever secretly sleep with the females?

  Gods, the thought he might twisted her stomach and heart in knots.

  Partly because she didn’t want him to secretly bed the females, and partly because she wanted him.

  Always had.

  Always would.

  If she approached him, if she flirted with him as the other females did, would he turn her away? Would he draw back from her and distance himself as he did with them? Or would he give her what she needed?

  What she needed from only him.

  She had agreed to come to the creek for the gathering because she had wanted to see him, had needed to see him. For over thirty years, she had watched him, had seen him grow and mature, had witnessed him come into his own, becoming more alluring to her as he had found his feet and his confidence.

  For three decades, she had harboured what she had thought of as a ridiculous crush on him, watching him from afar, secretly yearning for him to even glance at her whenever they were at the creek at the same time.

  Aching for him to notice her.

  Whenever he had taken the time to speak with her, she had been assaulted by nerves, convinced she would say or do something stupid that would tarnish his opinion of her, whatever that was.

  It had taken maturing for her to discover her own confidence, to settle into her skin and be comfortable in it, to realise that she was beautiful enough to contend with the other females at the creek, to vie for his attention and maybe even steal his heart if she set her mind to it.

  Her mother had rattled that confidence when she had asked Rath to tend to her, and had been chipping away at it ever since, with every male who fought for her and every time she was paraded in front of them.

  It didn’t help that Cobalt seemed determined to avoid her, barely looked at her now when he had let his eyes linger on her at times in the past, before she had matured.

  Ember looked down at herself.

  She had put a little more weight on her bones, her hips curvier than before, belly rounded and breasts fuller. Maybe he didn’t like the changes she had made to herself, but this was who she was, and she liked it. She loved her curves, didn’t want to be a stick thin female.

  Her curves made her feel sexy, empowered.

  Movement off to her right drew her attention back to Cobalt.

  He pushed away from the railing, heaved a long sigh that lifted his broad shoulders, and said something to his brother.

  Rath nodded, stood and clapped a hand down on his shoulder as Cobalt scrubbed a hand over his mouth and rubbed it across his straight jaw. His brother smiled at him, but Cobalt’s handsome face remained sober as he nodded in return, twisted and stepped off the deck.

  He strode down the green, long black-jeans-clad legs making easy work of the distance between her and him, and she couldn’t take her eyes off him, watched him over the rim of her mug as he approached.

  Damn, he was fine.

  He radiated an alluring sort of danger and temptation, roused her instincts and brought them to the fore, until she was restless with a need to stand and move around the deck, to let him get a good look at her and what he was missing out on, all in an effort to lure him to her.

  Ember kept her backside planted to her recliner instead.

  Not because she didn’t want Cobalt to look at her, or because she would have been ashamed at herself for trying to lure his gaze to her by parading herself in front of him when her mother insisted on her showing off her curves to every male who fought for her, but because her confidence was low today, the last few weeks battering it.

  Every fight she had to watch, and every suitor who stood before her stole a piece of it.

  Every horrible moment where she had to wait, praying her mother would refuse that suitor, shook it.

  Every day when Cobalt ignored her tore it down a little more.

  But every day when she set eyes on him, he gave back that fragment he ripped from her. Just looking at him started a fire within her, one that burned so hot it had her forgetting that she was tired of males, tired of fights.

  And whenever he did look at her?

  When his stunning pale grey-gold eyes landed on her, that fire exploded into an inferno that had a shot of adrenaline blazing through her, filled her to the brim with confidence again.

  Ember tracked him across the green, silently willing him to look at her. She needed his eyes on her today, needed that boost so she could finally tell her mother she was done with letting her control her life, that it was time for some changes and she was going to make her own decisions from now on.

  But he didn’t even glance her way as he neared her.

  His grey eyes remained locked on the grass, a troubled edge to them that echoed the emotions she could sense in him as he grew closer.

  Emotions that had her wanting to rise onto her feet for a different reason, not to lure his eyes to her but to ask him what was wrong.

  The sight of him troubled roused her deepest instincts, ones that had come into sharp focus over the past few weeks and had hit her with a revelation that had rocked her, but gods, it had explained so much at the same time.

  She had always believed the attraction she felt towards Cobalt was based solely on his charisma, looks, and personality, all the sorts of things that falling in love with someone normally involved.

  But this was the first time she had seen him since she had matured, and the attraction she had felt towards him when she had set eyes on him again had burned so fiercely it had left her shaking.

  Over the weeks, that attraction had only grown stronger, seemed to multiply one hundredfold every damned day, and now it was becoming a struggle to restrain herself when he was near, to deny her instincts to approach him and push him, to initiate something by attempting to dominate him.

  To provoke a reaction.

  It hadn’t taken her long to realise the reason why.

  He was her fated male.

  Was he aware that she was his fated one?

  He was older than her, matured three decades ago now, and as far as she knew, males were meant to be more aware of their true mate, found it easier to tell who it was than the females of her species. Males were driven by instincts that females also possessed when it came to a mate, but hers weren’t as fierce or as controlling.

  She felt an ache for him, soul-deep and consuming, one that demanded she provoke him, push and cajole him, rub against him and make him notice her. Her instincts wanted her to tease him into dominating her and staking a claim on her.

  His instincts should have been pressing him to do just that, to seize her and bite her nape, and bind them as mates. They should have been riding him as hard as hers were, demanding he take care of her, and drive any unmated males away from her.

  If he was feeling any of that, he was hiding it well, because he was more distant than ever, had barely said three words to her over the past few weeks and showed no sign of desire when he did look at her.

  He watched the fights over her without a trace of emotion on his face, in complete and utter control as he oversaw them, and didn’t even seem bothered when her mother mulled over whether to give the winner permission to ease her needs.

  Didn’t he want her?

  The thought that he might not left her cold and aching inside, scraped out and hollow.

  Wa
s it possible she was wrong about him and he wasn’t her fated one?

  If she wasn’t mistaken, was it possible for a male to not want his true mate?

  Rath had gone crazy over Ivy when she had come to the creek, and Ember had witnessed both Storm and Flint driven to extremes to protect and win their fated ones.

  Was it really possible that Cobalt didn’t desire her as his mate?

  He finally lifted his head and a shiver bolted through her when his eyes slid her way and his gaze settled on her, some of the shadows lifting from his face as he looked at her.

  Ember opened her mouth to greet him.

  Her mother stepped out onto the deck and Cobalt’s grey gaze shifted to her.

  “Two more fights today.” Her mother sighed. “Neither of them containing any males really worthy of you. If only Rath had accepted our offer.”

  Ember’s eyes widened as Cobalt’s narrowed, her heart hitching in her throat and pounding there as she fought to find her voice to say she didn’t want Rath and it hadn’t been her idea to approach his brother.

  She swore Cobalt’s face darkened before he looked away and lowered it, and his pace picked up, long legs carrying him swiftly past her. She watched him go, feeling the faintest echo of his emotions and trying to decipher them, because she needed to know what he was feeling.

  She needed to know whether he felt anything at all for her.

  She just needed a sign.

  One sign.

  A look. A smile. Anything to make his feelings clear.

  Because then she was sure she would find the courage to follow her heart.

  And it would lead her straight to him.

  CHAPTER 3

  Cobalt prowled the riverbank again, breathing hard as his heart pounded, blood surged with a need to go back to the main area of the creek and confront his brother about what Ember’s mother had said when he had been passing.

  Had she really approached Rath about easing Ember during the gathering?

  Fuck, the thought that she had and that Rath hadn’t told him about it had fur rippling over Cobalt’s skin and an itch to shift and fight rushing through him.

  He snarled as his claws and fangs extended, didn’t deny his instincts this time as he did whenever they fired when he was around others, hiding his feelings from everyone and maintaining strict control.

  They all talked about him as it was, he knew that. He wasn’t an idiot. He was well aware that he had a reputation, and that everyone watched him closely, waiting for him to slip and fearing it happening.

  Shit, he was sure some of them wanted to see him lose control.

  Not everyone had witnessed him in all his glory the night of the Archangel attack three decades ago. Those who had missed the show only had second-hand accounts to feed their imaginations, and some of them wanted to switch it for a first-hand one.

  He was fucked if he was going to oblige.

  He was kept on the fringes of the pride as it was. If he lost control again, there was a danger he would attack someone from the pride, and then they were bound to lobby Rath again, aiming to get him kicked out.

  Rath wouldn’t do it. He didn’t think so at least. What did he know? Rath was keeping secrets from him now, hadn’t told him about Ember and the offer. His brother had defended him before, but who was to say he would defend him again?

  Cobalt huffed as he shut down that line of thought. Rath was his brother and they stuck together. Nothing would change that.

  If Rath hadn’t told him about Ember, it was for a reason. Hell, it wasn’t as if Cobalt had been around him much since returning. He had been keeping his distance from everyone, caught up in his own struggles and finding it hard to overcome them.

  Still, his blood pounded with a need to stride up to Rath, grab him by his collar and force the truth out of him.

  But if he did that, it would lead to a fight.

  He needed Rath on his side. If he got into a brawl with his brother, there was a chance Rath would change his mind about letting him stay at the creek year-round. That was too important to him to risk it by letting his emotions and instincts get the better of him.

  Although, he wasn’t sure he would be able to restrain himself the next time he saw Rath.

  He needed to know what had happened, because it was going to eat away at him, chipping at his control, if he didn’t uncover the truth.

  He loosed a mirthless chuckle.

  He wouldn’t really be surprised if Ember’s mother had spoken true and they had approached Rath. His brother had been the most eligible male in the pride before Ivy had come along and claimed him as her own. He had a secure position, owned the territory of Cougar Creek, and was strong. Probably the perfect male specimen in their eyes and that of all the pride.

  Unlike him.

  Cobalt looked around at his small piece of territory. It extended barely fifty metres in all directions, a pocket of woods that surrounded a narrow, natural clearing by the river.

  His cabin was a little larger than Rath’s, an L-shaped affair that matched the layout of Ember’s one, with a kitchen at the front, a living area beyond it, and a decent sized bedroom at the back left. It had a nice picture window that overlooked the clearing and the river and mountains too. He had positioned his bed against the bottom of the L so it faced that window, giving him a fantastic view to wake up to.

  When he actually slept that was.

  He did have one thing Rath didn’t.

  There was a spring on his land that brought up natural hot water and he used a pump to bring it into the cabin for use in his shower, a luxury no other home at the creek had, and had a second pump that would pour it into a wooden tub he had built outside beneath the trees whenever he wanted a good soak.

  He had also made the switch to using propane tanks to fuel his stove and had an array of solar panels to provide electricity. All the mod cons. He had made his home as comfortable as he could, spent all his free time working on it whenever he was at a gathering or whenever he was at the creek because he needed to get away from the world.

  He had worked his ass off on the cabin.

  Cobalt dragged a hand over his face and sighed.

  He wasn’t sure why.

  Had he hoped it would impress everyone?

  Or maybe just Ember?

  When he boiled it down, hers was the only opinion that mattered.

  When she looked at him, did she see the same fuck up that everyone else did? Was she afraid of him like some of the females? Or did she want to see the side of him he tried to keep hidden, the monster he became whenever his temper snapped?

  He blew out his breath, sank to his haunches and stared at the river, blankly watching the water rushing past, bubbling over the rocks and snaking around the boulders.

  Gods, he hoped she wasn’t afraid of him.

  He would never hurt her.

  He drew down another breath, held it in his lungs and let it out slowly, purging every last molecule in a controlled manner to release the tension building inside him again. When his shoulders relaxed, his muscles finally uncoiling, he repeated the action, until peace flowed into him.

  He closed his eyes and listened to the quiet of the world around him. A quiet he needed.

  It was part of the reason he had chosen this spot as his territory and had broken away from the pride as much as he could. He needed the solitude. It eased him, made him feel less on edge, because whenever he was here, he no longer felt in danger of hurting someone.

  He liked the busyness of the creek, but he was always on edge when he was around others, pulled tight inside, waiting for something to trigger him and make him lose his head.

  Rath had told him countless times that he only felt that way because others did.

  They watched him too closely and he felt it, was aware they were waiting for him to slip up. His brother was right, but the way they all warily watched him was only part of the reason he always felt uncomfortable around members of the pride, restless and tense.

&nb
sp; The rest of the reason was the fact he knew he was dangerous. Unpredictable, even to himself. Sometimes, it terrified him. One moment, he would be in control, and the next he had none. Something would snap inside him and the pounding need to survive would grip him, and it would drive him to kill.

  When it happened, he could do nothing, all control wrenched from him as pure instinct seized command, a vicious and deadly need to fight. All he could do was ride it out and wait for that precious moment, that heartbeat of time, where he could pull on the reins and claw back control.

  Sometimes, he was lost in his instincts for mere seconds and sometimes it was closer to an hour.

  Whether it was seconds or hours, he always felt the same way when he came back to the world.

  Wretched.

  Disgusted with himself.

  A monster.

  Cobalt opened his eyes and studied a fish as it was caught up in the current and swept past a rock, and as it struggled to turn and swim towards the slack water behind the boulder, seeking the calm and safety.

  Shit. He chuckled. What a prize fucking catch he was. A fuck up and a failure. It would be a miracle if any female really wanted him for more than one night of passion, especially Ember.

  She deserved better than him, her mother was right about that.

  She was young, beautiful, and deserved a male who had something, anything, to his name, other than a legacy of bloodshed and a reputation that wouldn’t die.

  Any of the males at the creek were more worthy of her than he was.

  He felt that keenly whenever he was overseeing a fight, whenever her mother listed all the good things about the winner before declaring him unfit for her daughter.

  He shook his head.

  He could only imagine how short the list would be if he tried to win Ember.

  It would probably be empty.

  Hell, her mother would probably reject him before he even stepped foot in the ring and would make the other male the winner by default.