In Heat (In Heat Shapeshifter Romance Series #1) Page 17

  She toyed with the chain between the cuffs, clearly trying to decide what she was going to do. He wanted her to feel that connection to him again. He wouldn't have even dared offer the handcuffs to her and ask her for this time together if she hadn't cleaned his wounds for him. He'd seen the affection in her eyes, the worry and the fear for him. All of the love.

  It was hard for her to come to terms with what he was saying, but she was coping admirably.

  She looked up at him, her dark eyes full of questions that she would never ask. There was a battle being waged inside of her and she needed reassurance as much as he did. He was offering it in the only way he knew how—by surrendering completely to her. If she chained him up, he'd be powerless. She could do anything she wanted to. Hit him. Leave him. Love him. She would be the one making the decisions, just like she needed to be.

  She stood and glanced at the bed. He obeyed her silent command. She probably didn't know she was giving one, but he could sense it. She'd made a decision, now he had to wait to see what it was.

  Crawling onto the bed, he sat in the middle of it and then lay back. He stretched his arms up above him, curling his fingers around the posts of the headboard and waiting for her.

  He closed his eyes for a moment and willed his nerves to settle. She'd be able to sense them if she tried, just like she'd been able to sense his heart and his power outside. Now she knew how deep the connection ran, she would be instinctively feeling it.

  The bed beside him depressed and he felt the cold steel against his wrist. He opened his eyes and watched her face closely, studying it for a sign of her intentions. She leaned over him and looped the cuffs through the poles before fastening the other around his wrist. She squeezed them both, tightening them. He swallowed.

  A tiny spark of fear ignited inside of him and he closed his eyes.

  He silently prayed that she wouldn't leave.

  “Open your eyes,” she whispered close to his ear.

  He did, looking straight into hers and showing her all the fear inside of him. She looked taken aback by it and ran her fingers lightly down his cheek as though trying to comfort him. He held her gaze, resisting the temptation to close his eyes at the softness of her touch.

  “Don't leave.” The words escaped him, so quiet he was sure she wouldn't hear.

  “I'm not.”

  Two words served to remove all the fear from him, erasing it and leaving him wondering just what she intended to do with him.

  “I remember a dream I had last week, after I'd met you. In it, you told me that it was just a dream and that the best was yet to come. You were right. The dreams don't even come close to the reality.”

  He groaned when she lightly ran her fingers over his bare chest. She was staring at it, at the cuts that darted across it, and the more she looked, the more her eyes filled with tender emotions that made his breath hitch in his throat. After today, he'd thought she'd never speak to him again, and now she was being so open with him.

  And he was going to be open with her.

  It was the only way.

  She had to know his feelings for her and he was desperate to hear hers. He needed the reassurance that she was fine with his primal side and that she trusted him. He'd keep the promise he'd made—he'd never hurt her and he'd never let her get hurt. He'd die to defend her.

  Kim smiled down into Erik's eyes. In all the time they'd spent together, she'd never seen him like this. He was powerless, and it wasn't just the handcuffs making him that way. It was her and his feelings for her. He was surrendering control and opening his heart to her, holding it out for her to treasure or smash to pieces.

  How could she smash it?

  Breaking his heart would only break hers too.

  She didn't care how crazy having feelings for a man who could transform into a panther sounded in her head, in her heart it made perfect sense. She didn't care what he was, it was who he was that she'd fallen for, and it was the way she felt when she was with him that had made her stay to listen to what he'd had to say.

  Now he'd rendered himself powerless for her, to prove without a doubt that he trusted her and that she could trust him. It was a strange thing to do. She was moved by it, but not as much as something else moved her.

  He'd turned himself inside out, offered up his heart, and shown her how weak and scared he was deep inside. That touched her more than anything could. That had made her believe that what he was feeling was true and nothing to do with this bizarre mating they'd found themselves in the middle of.

  She'd never seen a man do so much to prove to a girl that he loved her. She knew that's what he was doing. He was showing her without saying the actual words that he felt for her the same way that she felt for him. He was baring everything to her, and it was down to her to take the leap and offer her heart in return for his. She didn't want to hurt him and she didn't want to see him hurting any more. It cut her deep and made her want to hold him forever when she saw the pain in his eyes, and all the fear.

  He was lying so patiently, waiting for her to make a move. She wanted to feel the connection like she had in the dream. She wanted to know if the reality of that would be better than the fantasy.

  Running her fingers down his chest, she traced the shape of his muscles, exploring him. He really was beautiful, in both of his forms. Exquisite muscles bunched deliciously beneath her touch, making desire stir inside of her. She kept hold of the tenderness she was feeling towards him, mixing it with the desire that would soon threaten to overtake her. She wanted the connection. She needed the intensity.

  Leaning over, she placed a chaste kiss to his cheek, and slowly worked her way downwards, finding her courage along the way. She began to alternate between licking and kissing, letting her mouth discover his body all over again while her fingers memorised the curves and her nose the way he smelt.

  She glanced at him furtively out of the corner of her eye. He had his eyes closed, his fingers loosely gripping the two poles of the wooden headboard that he could reach.

  She wanted to hold him so badly, but she made herself continue, knowing that this would reassure him more than her arms around him. If she gave him this, a soul stirring moment of togetherness, then he would know that she was never going to leave him.

  Reaching the cuts across his chest, she kissed them lightly, wishing she could somehow heal them for him and make them go away. He sighed beneath her.

  She smiled against his skin and began to work her way down over his stomach, kissing each muscle, thoroughly covering it. She wished she could study all of him, just sit back and watch him walking around naked. He had such a beautiful body, toned but not overly built. His compact muscles made her feel the power in him right down in her core.

  Sitting back, she ran her fingers over his shoulders and up his arms, delighting in the softness of his skin and the shape of his muscles. He was staring at her. She could feel the intensity of his look boring into her. Her eyes met his and she kept herself open to him, showing him everything he made her feel. His head cocked to one side, his gaze becoming questioning. She smiled at him, trying to show him that what he saw in her was the truth.

  “Speak to me,” he said.

  “About what?”

  He craned his neck and looked at her hands, and then stared back into her eyes. “What you're thinking. I want to hear what you're thinking.”

  Her hands stopped moving. The idea of having to speak her thoughts made her want to clam up, but she told herself that it could be good for them. They could say everything to each other without words, with a single look or touch, but this would bring it down to that intimate level they were both searching for.

  Moving her hands again, she traced the veins and shape of his forearms, working her way towards his wrists. She stopped when she touched the cold metal of the handcuffs.

  Nerves made her tremble and she was sure that she wasn't going to be able to speak without him hearing them. She'd never done anything like this before. She'd never felt thi
s way about a man.

  “You have an incredible body,” she said, not daring to look at him. She half expected him to say thank you to her, but he remained silent. She chanced a look and saw he wasn't smiling, but there was tenderness in his eyes. Bringing her hands back down his arms, she held his gaze. “Sleek. Powerful. Like your inner panther. I could spend eternity doing this.”

  He smiled now.

  “You have a beautiful body too. I'd give anything to see it.” His voice was husky, deep and seductive. Clearly, he'd found his confidence again.

  Sitting back on her heels, she unbuttoned the dress and went to slip it off over her head but stopped when she remembered that she wasn't exactly wearing what could be deemed underwear suitable for such a moment. She could see he was wondering what was wrong and continued, pulling the dress off and letting it fall to the floor as his eyes fell to her body. They narrowed. He purred and a thrill ran through her.

  God, he could purr.

  The sound of it empowered her.

  She didn't think her underwear was sexy, but maybe he did. Were plain cotton knickers and bra a turn on? She'd always thought it was lace and satin that set men's hearts racing, but the look in his eyes said different.

  Hooking her leg over him, she sat astride his waist, her eyes locked with his and their groins together. She could feel him hardening beneath her. His hips shifted, grinding his cock against her pussy. She pressed a hand into his stomach, pushing his groin back down, and gave him a chastising look.

  “Tell me what you're thinking,” she said.

  He didn't hesitate.

  “I could eat you whole,” he whispered at her and a flicker of fear entered his eyes.

  She smiled and chased it away. She knew he didn't mean his panther side. Remembering that she had to say everything she was thinking, she held his gaze and ran her fingers lightly over his stomach.

  “I could eat you whole too, wrap myself up in you and never leave.” She felt a little giddy with nerves as he smiled, all his feelings for her showing in his eyes. She could sense a question in him and didn't want to answer it. Even though she didn't want to leave him, she wasn't sure she wanted to become like him.

  Leaning over, she kissed down across his chest and then shifted downwards until her knees were against his and her mouth was tracing a line above the waist of his boxers.

  She pulled them down a little, following them with a trail of wet kisses. Unable to resist a glance at him, she saw he had his eyes closed now, his fingers finally tightly gripping the headboard. His whole body sung to her of what he wanted. She tugged the waist of his boxers down and he raised his hips. The underwear slid easily off and she stopped when they reached his thighs. Running her hands under him, she moaned quietly at the feeling of his taut backside under her fingers. She stroked along the curve of it towards his thighs and hooked her fingers over his underwear again.

  Kissing down his legs, she moved backwards, bringing his underwear with her and eventually pulling it off over his feet. She stopped to explore them, fingers dancing across his toes and sweeping up the arch of his soles. He wriggled a little. Another place he was ticklish. She splayed her hands out and ran them slowly back up his legs, memorising every inch of him and the way he felt. She circled his knees and pressed a kiss to each. He wasn't ticklish on the back of them. She'd die laughing if he tickled her there. Not that she was going to tell him that.

  “You run a lot don't you,” she said, breaking the silence as much as his heavy breathing had been.

  “Yes.” His voice was hoarse and quiet. It sounded as though it had taken a lot of effort to say that one word.

  “What are you running from?” She moved up his thighs and looked at him, wanting to see the truth in his expression in case he tried to cover it with his words.

  He paused and then took a deep breath.

  “Nothing...maybe...sometimes the other side of me.” He looked uncomfortable and she thought about letting it go, but couldn't.

  Her fingers traced the dips in his buttocks as he tensed them. She went around to the spot on his hip where she knew he was ticklish. He raised a brow, silently telling her not to dare. She didn't. He'd never talk if she did that.

  “Why?” She leaned over, pressed a kiss to the ticklish spot on his hip, and then sat back again.

  “Because sometimes I feel like a freak, outnumbered and unloved in this world...and I want to feel normal.”

  Her exploration of him halted and she looked deep into his eyes. She shouldn't have asked. She hadn't realised that she'd hurt him so much by pressing the subject. Crawling up the length of him, she kissed him tenderly, slow and deep, with as much love as she could pour into it. He wasn't a freak. He wasn't unloved.

  “You're not alone...” she whispered into his ear, pressing her cheek against his. Her brows furrowed. “You're never alone and you're not unloved. I'll stand by you until the end of time...I just don't know whether I'm ready to be like you yet.”

  The words had left her before she'd had a chance to consider their implication. She drew back, giving him a fearful look. She'd wanted to open her heart to him but now that she had, she was scared he was going to hurt her. Was this how he felt? She was lost in a turbulent sea, crying out for him to throw her a line and rescue her before she drowned. Why wasn't he saying something?

  He was just staring at her.

  The room suddenly felt cold and oppressive, but she didn't dare move. She couldn't until he'd either saved her or drowned her.

  “You're beautiful,” he said at last. Her heart pounded against her chest, making her feel sick. His eyes narrowed on hers. “I've never met a girl so beautiful and that I loved so much.”

  Her eyes flew wide.

  She gasped at air.

  That wasn't a lifeline. That was like drying out the entire ocean in a split second just to save her.

  CHAPTER 20

  Erik tried to sit up but fell back again when the handcuffs stopped him.

  “Don't panic.” He sounded panicked so Kim wondered exactly how she was supposed to not panic. “I've loved you my whole life...you're mine and I'm yours. You can command me, tell me never to say those words again, and I won't.”

  She stared at him.

  How could he be so crazy?

  “Say them again.” Her voice shook as it tried to squeeze out of her dry throat.

  She leaned over him and looked down into his eyes, her palms pressed against his chest to support her. She could feel his heart beating, and it was beating frighteningly fast. It felt as though it was going to break free of his chest.

  “I'm in love with you,” he said with so much intensity that tears crept into the corners of her eyes.

  She kissed him deeply, all the while thinking about how much she wanted to ask him where the key to the handcuffs were so he could make love to her. He wouldn't go for it. This was about him surrendering control to her, and they could still make love like this.

  “Erik...” She drew back and looked into his eyes. He raised his brows, his honey eyes sparkling at her. “I want you inside me, where you belong.”

  It was the corniest line in the world, but she didn't care. When he was inside her, she felt complete and nothing mattered in the world but him, but the feeling of them together.

  He grinned broadly, clearly amused by her corny line too. She rolled her eyes. He motioned in the direction of the drawer where he'd got the cuffs.

  Getting off him, she pressed a kiss to his lips and then one to the head of his cock. She walked across the room, wriggling her hips just a fraction so he'd get a good show. She could feel him watching her.

  She pulled the drawer out and found the condoms. Taking a couple out of the packet, she spotted the key to the cuffs and decided to bring it with her too. She bunched everything up into her fist and then shut the drawer.

  A smile crept onto her lips.

  Turning, she raised a brow at Erik. He looked so damn delicious stretched out on the bed completely naked. Sh
e glanced down at her body, at her underwear, and then back at Erik.

  “Take them off,” he said.

  It wasn't a command, it was part wish and part voiced hope.

  Reaching around behind her, she unhooked her bra and drew the straps slowly down her arms. She let it drop to the floor when she reached the foot of the bed and put down the stuff she was holding. She slipped her thumbs into the waist of her knickers and shimmied out of them, losing them as she knelt on the bed. Taking hold of the condoms and the key, she crawled up the length of Erik, her eyes taking in every inch of him and the devastatingly seductive look he was giving her. It said everything she could feel he was about to say.

  “I want you, Kim. We belong together...come to me.”

  She was surprised when she felt pulled inside, drawn to him, as though those last three words were a command and she didn't have the will to ignore them. She was glad that he hadn't said exactly what was in his eyes. She knew that he wanted them to be together forever, and she wanted it to, but the process frightened her. To be with him forever she would have to become like him. She just didn't think she was ready.

  Even though her heart said yes.

  She shunned her thoughts and focused on what was happening now. The future could wait.

  “Erik?”

  He gave her a look that said to go on.

  She froze, her hands against his thighs and her eyes locked with his. He was looking at her with so much love and affection that she clammed up, the words she wanted to say fluttering away unspoken. She held his gaze, her brows furrowing slightly as she struggled with herself. Her words of love wouldn't come back, and she wanted him to hear them and know that no matter what decision she made, she did feel the same way about him as he felt about her.