Ascension Page 16

  But he wasn’t human, and he never would be, no matter how hard he tried to be one. He couldn’t erase his demon blood. It pounded in his veins, a dark force that pushed for control. He was a monster and Lealandra’s love would never change that.

  Could she really love someone who was both man and monster?

  Because both man and monster loved her.

  Taig stared at the ceiling, emptying his mind. He focused on the feel of Lealandra resting softly against him, warm in his arms where she belonged, her legs tangled with his, and held her close, savouring the calm, a feeling that he had longed for from the moment she had walked out of his life. The conflict he felt about himself slowly drifted to the back of his mind, drowned out by positive emotions, but he couldn’t rid himself of it completely. It lingered in his heart.

  He needed time to think, needed space to come to terms with everything and get his head straight, but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, not with Lealandra’s ascension coming and demons to hunt. For now, he would see where things took him, and hope that Lealandra didn’t push him.

  Because he was a bomb with a very short fuse and she loved playing with fire.

  CHAPTER 15

  Lealandra slowly traced the intricate dark swirls of Taig’s mark on his shoulder blade, her grey gaze following her fingertips. His breathing was slow and deep in the quiet low-lit room, bringing a smile to her face. An hour ago, he had awoken her in the most delicious way just to tell her that she had fallen asleep, kissing her softly and kneading her bottom with one hand while he caressed her breast with the other. She was tempted to kiss him awake but resisted. He sighed, rolled onto his front, the red bed covers riding low on his hips, and turned his head to face her.

  Her exploration shifted course, rounding the dark pink marks on his broad back, inspecting each one to make sure they had healed, and eventually creeping up his neck to his cheek. She caressed the line of his jaw, swept the rogue dark strands of hair from his forehead, and sighed with him.

  How could a man with so much brash confidence be so vulnerable? He would hate for her saying it, would deny it completely, but she knew how he felt on the inside. Only she hadn’t realised just how strong those feelings were until she had come here and seen the level of protection he had put on his apartment. He could pretend all he wanted that there wasn’t a problem but she could see that there was, and that it affected him. He felt inadequate, unloved and unaccepted. She ached to take that pain away and make him see that his parents had been in love, that it was possible for a demon of his father’s power to love a mortal, and that it was possible for her to love Taig just the same.

  It wasn’t just that though. She was sure that she could make him believe that one day. It was also making him believe that his parents had truly loved him and hadn’t abandoned him for whatever reason he thought—not because he was mixed blood or an aberration. The love in his parents’ eyes in the picture told her that they never would have left him of their own free will.

  Lealandra stroked his cheek, her eyebrows furrowing as she thought about everything that Taig had been through and all the times she had tried to talk to him about his parents. She wanted to help him but it was impossible when he slammed the door in her face at every turn and wouldn’t even entertain the thought of talking about it with her, let alone actually doing it.

  His lashes fluttered and then his ebony eyes opened and fixed on her.

  “You think too loud.” He smiled sleepily. “Something on your mind, sweet cheeks?”

  Could she tell him?

  If she did, would he shove her aside again?

  Was she moving too fast?

  It tore at her, turning her stomach and making her hesitate. She didn’t want him to push her away, not this time, not after everything they had been through. She wanted him to listen for once and to talk to her. He was terrible at sharing, at opening himself up to her, but she needed him to give it a shot. He needed it.

  “Your father—”

  Taig growled. “Not this again.”

  He rolled away, heading for the edge of the bed. Lealandra wasn’t about to let him escape that easily. She threw herself on him, hindering his movements, and managed to get astride him. His bare body felt cool and tempting beneath her hips and hands but she ignored the desire that just the feel of him stirred within her.

  “Your father loved your mother.” She pressed her hands into his shoulders.

  “I know.” His ebony gaze held hers, no trace of anger in it.

  Her fine eyebrows rose. She had thought he would deny that. It gave her a little courage but she still felt as though she was walking along an eggshell covered path that was leading straight for a high cliff. He might look calm, might sound calm, but she could feel the tension growing within him and it was a warning not to push him too far.

  Well, for once she was going to ignore the blaring sirens and risk his anger.

  “And I’m sure they loved you.”

  “Did they tell you that?” He smirked and his eyes narrowed, the edges of his irises and around his pupils burning red. “If you have a hotline to them, do tell them I’d like to know why the fuck they left me.”

  Lealandra trembled when a dark wave of power surged through her. Her magic shrank away, going deep as though it was afraid too. She had never felt Taig this angry but it wasn’t going to deter her. Talking about his father was treading on ice so thin that she was walking on water but she had to try to get him to talk. If he did, he would feel better. It was just an automatic reaction for him to act like this whenever she mentioned his father. She was sure of it.

  “What if they didn’t have a choice, Taig? What if someone captured them?”

  “It doesn’t change a thing.” He caught her wrists and pushed her back. Lealandra twisted free of his grasp and grabbed his wrists, turning the tables on him. Her gaze locked with his. He snarled. “Drop it.”

  “No.”

  “I’m not talking about this.” There was an edge to his voice and his power that warned her that he wasn’t joking.

  She wasn’t either. “Talk to me.”

  “No.” He broke free of her grasp and lifted her off him. “Shut up and go to sleep.”

  Lealandra climbed back on him, her gaze steely, and pinned his shoulders. Her heart thundered, blood rushing and causing her magic to rise when Taig’s abated. Taig glared at her.

  “Just let me in this once, Taig. Please? I only want to help you.”

  “Why?”

  Lealandra had to look away, was too afraid to let him see the reason in her eyes or say the words. She loved him so much. If she said it now, he wouldn’t believe her, not even when she had shown it to him in so many different ways. He would still think that she was lying, or would find a way to fault her love for him and make out that it wasn’t real when it was. She had loved him from the moment she had met him. His demon side didn’t frighten her. It was a part of him. It made him Taig. The man she loved with all of her heart. The man who hated himself with all of his.

  “I hate seeing you loathe yourself. I hate seeing you trying to be something that you aren’t.” Her gaze flickered to his.

  Taig growled and tried to get away again. She frowned and her magic surged through her, reinforcing her strength and keeping him stuck to the bed. He bucked and snarled. Lealandra didn’t let go. She wouldn’t let him go. Never again.

  “Just talk to me, God damn it. Let me in!” Her throat tightened, fear and hope constricting it, and she bit back the tears as her eyes searched his. Just this once she wanted him to let her past the barrier and into the fortress that protected his heart. She wanted to share his pain and help him heal.

  He stilled beneath her, his red eyes penetrating hers, daring her to make a move.

  Lealandra touched his face, a light trembling caress, and felt his pain. She felt so much for him. So sorry. He would hate her for pitying him, belittling his strength with her worry and fears, with her love. She wasn’t doing this to make
him hate her but she would take it all if it would lessen how much he hated himself and would give him a moment’s respite from his endless hurt and despair. It all flowed into her, every ounce of his pain, all of it stemming from his mixed blood and his parents’ disappearance. What could she do to make him change his mind about it all and make him see that she loved him for what he was—a demon and a man? She would do anything.

  “Speak to me.” She brushed her thumb across his lower lip. “I’m not asking you to open up and let me in, Taig. I’d settle for just talking about it.”

  The dark look in his eyes said that it wasn’t going to happen. She was fighting a battle she would never win, at least not like this. Trying to make him talk about it had been a foolish idea. She should have bitten her tongue and let him be the one to tell her, no matter how long that took. But she was impatient. She couldn’t wait forever for him to let her in. She wanted it to be now, was scared that she wouldn’t make it through the ascension and would never know if he loved her, would never hear the words that she so desperately needed him to say to her. She sighed.

  “I meant what I said today.”

  “You’d better not try to find them, Lea.” The venom in his tone matched the spark of anger that bolted through him.

  She smiled slowly to herself. He never had been any good at seeing the meaning in her words. She always had needed to spell things out for him.

  “No. Not that. I meant what I said…” Lealandra looked deep into his eyes and opened herself to him, so he could sense things through where they touched and would know that she was telling the truth. “I missed you. I broke my heart that day and fractured yours in the process… and I’m sorry… I… if I’d known it would turn out this way, and that I’d really hurt you… I didn’t want to push you like that and make you—”

  Taig tried to shove her off him, discomfort and anger written all over his scowl. Lealandra pushed his shoulders back against the mattress, making him stay and listen. He needed to hear this. She didn’t care if he hated her for saying it. Someone had to tell him and make him see.

  “This place isn’t you, Taig! You know that deep in your heart.” She lightened the pressure on his shoulders when he stilled again and then stroked his chest, following the line of his pectorals to the point over his heart. She rested her hands there and looked at them, focusing on his feelings and the growing connection between their powers. “You don’t belong here… thinking you’re fitting in when you’re all alone.”

  Taig scoffed. “Where do I belong then? Tell me that.”

  “You don’t belong anywhere. Not back there and not here.” Lealandra took hold of his hand and brought it to her chest, placing it over her heart. Her eyes met his. “You belong here.”

  Taig’s eyes narrowed. “You said I didn’t belong here.”

  “Not this apartment.” Her ascension mark shone when his fingers grazed it, lighting the room in red. “Here with me. I never should have left you.”

  “It’s nothing I’m not used to.” He took his hand back and the mark dulled back to black.

  Lealandra sighed, gently caught his hand again, and kissed it. “Don’t hate him… don’t hate yourself… your parents loved you.”

  Taig shoved her aside, so she hit the bed, and stormed towards the door, grabbing his clothes en route. He turned back and glared at her. “Stay the hell out of my business.”

  He disappeared before she could say anything. Lealandra stared at the empty living room of the apartment through the door and then huffed. Stay the hell out of his business? She was in love with him, and she was damn well sure that the feeling went both ways and he loved her. That made him her business as far as she was concerned.

  She dressed and walked through the lifeless apartment to the photograph of his parents. They were in love and she was sure that they had loved Taig. What had happened all those years ago? Was it as her mother thought and they were in the underworld, trapped there, separated from their son and forced to watch him live alone and suffer?

  Would Taig try to stop her if she went there to find them? She would do that for him. She would do anything to make him happy and make him accept both sides of himself.

  Her gaze swept over the apartment. This place wasn’t him. He had hated her for saying it, but it was the truth. This was hollow and void of feeling, something that she knew he wasn’t. He didn’t know how to be a human. Neither did she. Couldn’t he see that? They were in this together, neither of them human, both of them unable to live a normal life.

  But they had each other.

  She had to find him.

  Lealandra tried to teleport out but a barrier blocked her. Closing her eyes, she sensed it, feeling her way around it and familiarising herself with the way that Taig had constructed it. It was powerful, but she could slip through it. There was a back door, a path that Taig had taken, and she knew him well enough to be able to find it and follow it. Latching her magic onto the trace of his power, she followed it to the point where he had reappeared. It was the area where they had fought the immortal.

  There was no sign of Taig in the dark graveyard. She could feel him but he had moved on, heading back into the city.

  Was he going to the club?

  Lealandra headed there, pulling her long red coat tightly around herself to keep the chill off. It wasn’t far to the club and she wasn’t pleased to be back. She smiled at the bouncer when he let her in ahead of the stream of wannabe vampires and women in far too little clothing, and then it fell off her face when she made it inside and caught a glimpse of Taig through the crowd.

  He was at the busy curved black bar, sitting near the far corner.

  Talking to a very pretty blonde woman.

  The woman laughed, smiled, spoke to him with a glint in her eye that Lealandra was intimate with. She had given Taig that look plenty of times. An open invite to do what he pleased with her.

  Lealandra held herself and watched him through the throng of people for a few seconds more, and then turned away when the hurt became too much. Her chest ached and she blinked away the tears, telling herself not to be so foolish and read into things. Taig loved her. She was just overreacting.

  If he loved her, why was he smiling and laughing with another woman?

  She went to leave but stopped when she saw the vampire standing at the door, his gaze on her. He smiled, no trace of fangs on show, and pointed towards a quiet area opposite the bar. Lealandra told herself not to but she went with him anyway, part of her hoping that Taig would see and would know how much it hurt to be jealous.

  “I had not expected you to return.” The vampire’s pale eyes met hers and he slid into the red crescent-moon-shaped seat.

  Lealandra sat opposite him, the round black table strategically placed between them so he couldn’t easily reach her. She could probably defeat him if he tried something but she wasn’t willing to take chances. All she wanted to do was make Taig jealous and then leave. She glanced past the vampire to Taig where he was still at the bar, necking whisky and grinning foolishly at the woman. A dark snake coiled inside her and her power rose, entwining with her emotions and demanding that Taig return to them where he belonged. Whether he knew it or not, he was hers now, always had been from the moment they had met, and no two-bit whore was going to change that.

  They owned Taig.

  She cleared her throat and locked down her power and her feelings, pulling on the reins to bring them under control. Her magic was angry, hungry, and most of all ready for a fight, and that wasn’t a good thing. The effect of Taig’s blood on her power was wearing off and her patience was wearing thin. The combination was deadly and it was a struggle to remain calm and in control when she was feeling such strong emotions. She had to though. The consequences of losing it in a public place were enough to keep her fighting her magic. She didn’t want to kill everyone here. She didn’t want to be responsible for their violent deaths.

  “Hunters often gather here. If she is bothering you, I can have her de
alt with.”

  Lealandra’s gaze shot back to the vampire. His dark-ringed pale irises mesmerised her and she dropped her gaze to the table, unwilling to fall for that trick again.

  “Who is she?” Her gaze traced the echoes of glasses that remained on the shiny black tabletop, ingrained into it now, an endless pattern of circles. She thought about the vampire’s eyes and how she was going to have to avoid falling under his spell again. She wanted Taig jealous, not her neck cut and her power stolen. If the vampire took her blood, he would take a trace of her magic too. Vampires were strong enough without stealing the power of another, but they were the lowest form of leech, desperate at all times to feed, and with blood came the abilities of those who had once owned it. The vampire had wanted the immortal’s blood and therefore his power, and she had no doubt that he wanted the same from her.

  “She is often here. A hunter but nothing like the demon you stare at so adoringly.”

  Her gaze crept to Taig across the sea of people and then away to the vampire when her power rose at the sight of him with another woman. The vampire raised his fine black eyebrows and leaned casually into the chair, stretching his arms out across the red velvet back. He smiled at her, all straight white teeth, as though he wanted her to see that right now he wasn’t a threat. The lack of fangs didn’t satisfy her instincts. He was still dangerous and could extend his fangs at a moment’s notice. She wasn’t about to trust him.

  Lealandra unleashed her power a fraction, just enough that the vampire stopped smiling at her as though he was her best friend, and started being more honest with her and to the point.

  “And do they often talk like this?” She glanced at Taig and the woman.

  “They have partnered a few times.” The vampire looked away when she stared at him with red eyes, her magic surging through her veins and whispering to kill him for saying such a thing.

  Taig belonged to them.

  Lealandra tamped it down and brought it back under control, but it was harder this time. Her power was growing tired of this game and if she didn’t get Taig jealous and back to her soon, it was going to let the entire club know of its disapproval and she didn’t think that she was strong enough to stop it.